Below are a collection of games, puzzles, things to ponder, and just some things for entertainment and amusement. Please enjoy!
Three Little Words
The words we use either encourage us to be creative and optimistic or they shut us down, give us a smaller view of possibilities, and weaken us.
The words we use define our personal reality to ourselves as well as to others, and they have a very real effect on what we allow ourselves to think. The words we use are the way we tell ourselves what we deserve from life.
BUT
Have this ever been said to you? “This is a good idea, but –” Get it? When I said “This is a good idea” you were probably sorting for some time when you got complimented on an idea. Then I said “but –” and you had to cringe a little. We’ve all been taught that no matter what someone says, if they add a “but –” we know to brace ourselves, here comes the little twist that takes away most of the meaning from the beginning of the sentence. Happens all the time, doesn’t it? I mean, I know that you and I would NEVER do that to others, yet people sure do it to us on a constant basis. And what’s even more interesting, people do it to themselves! Just listen the next time a discussion comes up about what someone wants, for example: “I’d like to lose weight, but –” “I’d like a promotion, but –” “We could go see your parents on Saturday, but –” Interesting, huh? What follows “but” is almost always either something that wipes out a compliment, or an excuse for why people can’t get what they want.
So here’s a little tip for you. What happens to these sentences if we substitute “and” for “but”?
“This is a good idea, and –” Sounds like the idea may even be accepted, doesn’t it? “I’d like to lose weight, and –” And here’s how I’m going to do it! "I’d like a promotion, and –” And this is how I’m going to get it and why I'm worth it. “We could go see your parents on Saturday, and –” And we can have dinner by the river on the way home, or we can stop at the new shop you wanted to see on the way there, or whatever alternative comes to mind.
“But” limits possibilities, and tells you what’s wrong and WHY you can’t do something. “And” includes more choices, and leads to thoughts of HOW you will do something. They are the language of two different worlds, two different ways of life. Which world’s language do you prefer?? Which leads us to the next “little word.”
WHY
The problem with “why” is that it leads to “because.” When you ask “why?” You are almost demanding a story that will explain “why” things are as they are. And you’ll answer that question with a story of why things are that way, whether they are really like that or not! “Why are people such rude drivers?” -- Because if I accept the assumption that “all people are rude drivers” I can complain and whine and be miserable instead of just dealing with the reality that some people don’t handle traffic pressures very well. “I just don’t understand why you would want that –” -- Because if you agree to explain why you want that and I don’t want you to have it and you can’t persuade me to accept your choices I get to control you. “Why can’t I get a break?” -- Because I already decided that I will never get a break, so I must be a loser. The question “why” is useful to two year olds, and perhaps detectives on a case or scientists in the lab. Not so much for adults.
You want to know what’s an even more useful word for most of us, most of the time? The word is “how.” As in, “How can I create a break for myself?” Or, “How can I best deal with a rude driver when I encounter one?” Or, “How can what I want have any impact on you, and what can I do to ease that?” Again, two different words from two different outlooks. “Why” invites you to accept whatever the stated reality is, and then demands that you make up a story that explains it. Probably a waste of time, unless you get your jollies making up stories about unimportant stuff. “Why” turns our view to the past, looking for causes and for people to blame. On the other hand, “How” is an action word. It looks to the future. “How” can I get what I want?” Or, “How can I mesh my desires with another person’s desires?”
Good question. And it leads you in a direction of action. And actions are the stuff of life. Okay, here's the next "bad boy" little word that shuts down thinking.
SHOULD
“I should have done it differently.” “You should do it like they do.” “What should I do?” This time I have no suggestion for an alternative word. Well, actually I do, a bit later. First I want to express a big caution about this word because it comes so often from childish assumptions. We all have a parent’s voice in our heads, treating us like we’re still wearing diapers. And this word is surely a parent’s word, telling us what we “should” do. “Should” and even worse, “should have” will make you miserable. They are the words of dissatisfaction and helplessness and regret and guilt.
Try this. “I want” instead of “I should.” Even if you add the same ending, you get more power — more ADULT power, from saying “I want to do it differently next time” or, “I want to be on time” Instead of "I should be on time" or “I shouldn’t be late.”
Think about the words you use — both to others and more importantly, to yourself. Especially these three thought-stopping little words.
Three Little Words
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